Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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