How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
