i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
