Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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