Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
