Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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