please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
