Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
