Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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