I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
