I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize