Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
