I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
