If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
