Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
