I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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