Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
