he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
