What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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