the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
