imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
