I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
