I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize