Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
