there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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