I'm really into asian looking animals
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
