Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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