Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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