it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
