Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How external is "for external use only"?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
