my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
