Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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