Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
