Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
