Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
