I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
