how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
