Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
