omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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