TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
