honey bunches of taint.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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