He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
