worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
