Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
