Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
