Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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