Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
