how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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