Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
