I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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