I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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