Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
