He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize