I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
