we made out on top of his cat.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
