Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
