you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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