Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
