all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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