Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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