His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
