Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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