i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
