Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
