I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
