i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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