The best revenge is premature balding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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