Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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