so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
