I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize