You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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