drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
