Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really busy with my period
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