I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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