Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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