guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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