I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
