how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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