he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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