I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
