oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
