..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
