Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
