You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize