We won't sleep together?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
