so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
