I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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