I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he thought i was a dude.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize