I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
