I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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