I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have post one night stand depression
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