So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
