Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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