Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
