i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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