She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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