So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
