Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
