my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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