dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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