Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
