did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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