I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
