If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize