I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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