if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
